Monthly Archives: October 2020

Most people I know are on edge, their mood swings dependent upon the last news clip they’ve seen, poll read or article depicting this or that nightmarish electoral outcome. The onset of autumn hasn’t helped. Shortened daylight, cooler weather, less opportunity to engage in open skies and good long walks help expedite the early onset of SAD – seasonal affective disorder. Normally it makes its grip felt on the other side of the calendar: in the wintry doldrums of February’s cabin fever. But in this year of strange and unpredictable stressors it seems as if forced isolation and limited social engagement have exacted their toll earlier than ever. And one of the symptoms of this emotional lability is the oscillation between confidence and pessimism at the outcome of the Nov. 3 election. There’s a medical model of neuro-psychiatry that chalks up mood swings to organic dysfunction. The diagnosis is based upon a biological-chemical model, akin to the now standard understanding of manic-depression. There are a lot of prescription drugs available for doctors to apply that will temper the mood swings and return the patient to a modicum of stability, or at least slow down the Jekyll and Hyde transformations. There’s...Read more

I’m not sure I have ever properly thanked my mother for giving birth to me. But at least I finally found a way to show my appreciation. It took eight months, but we finally got her into an assisted living place she’s comfortable in and that can meet her needs. Along the way I left behind a trail of documents, scanned forms, faxes, emails and phone messages, as well as checks for legal fees and various communiques with bureaucrats at Medicaid. I was not fully aware of the emotional toll the process had been exacting on me until I got word Thursday morning from her new home that my mother had actually made the move and was settled in. The feelings I expressed, evident in my tears, were a complex mix of love, hope and relief. It did not take long for them to transform into a sense of guilt as well, for I also began to feel complicity in warehousing her. Such are the dilemmas of the elderly in our society and of our role, as both their offspring and their guardians. I have no idea how people without strong family support are supposed to negotiate the nightmare of...Read more

Had another one of those dreams the other night. The kind that reminds you how powerful and strange your brain can be. Afterwards I had to run through a quick reality check to ground myself and make sure it wasn’t true. This one has been an occasional theme the last few years – not exactly recurring, but familiar enough that I know it represents something ominous. No, it wasn’t about some government takeover by a bloated mobster. That I would classify as hyper-realism, too closely tied to everyday events. This one was less embedded in the news cycle than something that has been bugging me as I watch various utility companies cut trees down everywhere they can. I dreamt that I woke up to the hillside fronting our house completely denuded of hardwoods and conifers and our entire yard stripped of the various specimen trees we have been carefully cultivating the last 18 years. Not only were the trees all gone; so, too, was the habitat for birds, bears, turkeys and pheasants we had come to cherish. In their place were the beginnings of high-tension electrical lines. I was livid. Our property had been shorn of everything that made it...Read more